Knight in plaid shirts
by CodyRexBeth
Summary: Dan gets depressed and ends up cutting himself a little too deep. He ends up being rescued by Phil and taken to the hospital. /Phan guyxguy Includes cutting, triggering, and themes.


Beth: So my friend Annalise wrote this and I'm just posting it here, because she's a fucking brilliant writer. So everyone should go follow her on tumblr at mildlyobsessiveanna. She's amazing and a huge fangirl. Rated M for themes.

This is Phan friendship! Friends only.

Warning: Triggering, cutting, and depression.

Instead of letting me sleep like a regular human my brain decides to be a douche and fill my head with thoughts about Phil and Dan and triggering. Like wtf brain? So since I can't get back to sleep I might as well write this and hey what the hell I'll post it.

Enjoy guys. =)

XXX

It had been a long day and all Dan wanted to do was collapse into bed and sleep for the rest of his life. He had been feeling so tried and well unlike himself since his last video and that was nearly three weeks ago. He kicked off his shoes and headed down the hall to his room, but not before he was stopped by his best friend and flatmate Phil. He turned around could plainly see the confusion and hurt in his friends eyes.

Of course. Usually after a radio show he usually got a box of Malteasers and plopped himself down on the couch with his laptop until four AM.

"Dan?" Phil asked hesitantly catching the younger's wrist. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah Phil everything is fine." Dan said trying to sound like his old self.

He even added a quick smile, but he knew Phil wasn't fooled by it. He gently took his wrist from Phil much larger hand, but his friend just snatched it back and pulled him into a tight hug.

"You know that if you wanna talk about anything you can tell me." Phil said softly.

Dan nodded. "Yeah." He winced when he heard his voice crack slightly. "Yeah of course Phil."

He detangled himself from his friend and tried once again to head to bed, but Phil caught his wrist yet again. Now Dan was starting to get annoyed. Why won't Phil let him go?

"Come on Dan." Phil pleaded with his friend. "I know you're upset about something. Please just tell me."

God when did Phil get so clingy all of a sudden? Dan wondered.

He glared at Phil and was slightly pleased to feel his friend's grip on his wrist slacked momentarily. He took the opportunity to take back his wrist and this time Phil didn't reach for it again. Dan took a step away from his friend putting even more distance between them. Phil's brow creased when he noticed the growing distance.

"Seriously Phil I'm fine." Dan said his voice raising slightly anger and annoyance showing. "Just please leave me the fuck alone."

He turned around and walked to his room. He glanced back at Phil and wished he didn't. his friend was looking hurt, but Dan only shrugged not bringing himself to care at the moment. He slipped into his room not bothering to lock it since he knew Phil would never enter without permission. Walking over to his bedside drawer he pulled out a package and headed into his bathroom again not bothering to lock the door.

Slowly he slid down the glass of his shower and stared up at his mirror when he made his life choices. and now he was about to take a time machine back to high school. A shudder went through his body. He had hated high school. Being teased for liking youtubers, for being fat, and constantly told no one loved him. Dan closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he opened the package and drew out the small object inside.

Dan pressed the small object to his forearm and pressed down softly before dragging the razor blade down his arm in a single line. The pain burst through and he could barely contain his groan.

He had forgotten how bad it hurt.

But he just gritted his teeth and continued until his arm was covered in thin trails of blood. He shakily got the washcloth and wiped the blood away before he pressed the blade down on the one part of his arm that didn't have any scars.

The part of his wrist closest to his hand.

Recently Dan had seen a picture that if you went downward you would end up in the hospitable, but if you went sideways you'd end up in the morgue. His closed his eyes for a quick minute before turning the blade sideways and dragging it deep along his skin and again on his other wrist. The effect happened so quickly. The blood coming forth and within a few minutes Dan could feel himself getting sleepy and a dull knocking in his head. What was with that knocking anyway? Shouldn't death have been quiet? At that point he didn't really care as his eyes fell shut.

Phil sat on the couch twisting his hands nervously in his lap eyes darting around the lounge. He we had been worried about Dan for roughly a few weeks now. The younger had become slightly more distant and he liked wearing longer sleeved shirt more even though summer was quick approaching and it was warming up in England. He bit his lip and leaned back into the couch and stared up at the ceiling. He just had no idea what got into his friend.

Obviously Dan wasn't fine and he needed help, but Phil had no idea how to give that help when Dan was trying so hard to keep him out. Well, he decided, I'll just have to help Dan no matter if he wants it or not. He felt his lips turn upward in a smile and glanced at the clock. It was nearly 11-o-clock and Dan would probably still be up. Phil headed down the hallway to his flatmate's room and knock on the door.

No answer.

He bit his lip and tried knocking again. Well, he reasoned, Dan will be asleep or at least pretending. Still Phil felt guilty of trespassing as he opened the door to Dan's room. He firstly noticed the bathroom door was closed which was slightly weird then that Dan wasn't in his bed. Slowly he crossed the thresh hold and knocked on Dan's bathroom door.

"Dan?" he called softly. "Are you okay?"

No answer.

Now Phil was starting to become nervous. He knew Dan would rather sleep in his bed then the bathroom. He reasoned his next actions that Dan would feel more like himself if he slept in his own bed and not the bathroom. Phil took a deep breath and sent a soft prayer of Dan's forgiveness for violating the younger's privacy.

He opened the door and was not ready to see the scene before him. Dan, his best friend and flatmate, sitting curled up in a tight ball as blood made a small pool around him. Phil stood shocked for a minute before his brain kicked in and he went back to Dan's room and called 911.

"Hello yes? My friend is surrounded in a pool of his own blood and I don't know if he's breathing!" he cried into the receiver as soon as someone picked up. His voiced raised a few octaves, but he didn't care.

The lady patiently asked for his address and assured him that the paramedics were on their way. It felt like forever to Phil, but only ten minutes the paramedics were there. One of them inserted a needle and after asking Phil for Dan's blood type hooked up and bag of blood to it.

"We need to get him to Queen's stat." The male said lowly. "Or he won't make it."

The female nodded and guided Phil to one side and two more paramedics entered and wheeled Dan out of the room, down the lift, and into the ambulance. Their female co-worker stayed behind to help Phil to the hospital since he was shaking so badly. They made it to the hospital in record time and she helped him to the waiting room and helped him fill out Dan's information. When she turned away Phil caught he wrist.

"Will he be okay?" he asked tears filling his eyes.

This was the worst part of her job Emily decided. Seeing the tearful and mostly hopeful faces of the relatives and friends. "I don't know." She said softly detaching him from her wrist. "But rest assured we're going to damn well try to save your friend." She gave him a smile and went back to work.

A nurse led Phil to a seat and fed his orange juice and cookie. She gave him a blanket and he tried to sleep. After roughly two hours he simply gave up on sleep and instead watched the news as other victims entered and left the room. He watched as bombs went off in Boston during their marathon. He sent a quick prayer to the family of ones lost and felt someone slide into the seat next to his. It was the paramedic who answered the call. She handed him a cup of coffee which tasted like hazelnuts. He silently asked her a question and her lips turned upward slightly.

"Your friend is lucky to have someone like you. If you had waited five minutes later he surely would have been dead, but we got him just in time." She said slowly.

What was the lady saying? Phil felt a strong emotion fill his chest.

"Your friend will live." Emily said. "He's just getting out of surgery. In a few minutes after they get him situated you can see him."

Slowly as Phil comprehended the news his lips turned into a smile. He set the coffee down and threw his arms around Emily. Emily went ridged in surprised as the stranger hugged her, that was a first, but she gently, if a bit awkwardly, patted him on the back. She waited with Phil until another nurse came and told him he could see Dan.

Phil turned to Emily. He wasn't sure if he could do this alone, but the lady was already gone. Taking a deep breath he left the waiting room and followed the nurse up to floor three towards the back of the wing and into room #340B. There Phil wasn't sure how to react. He took a deep breath to calm his nerves then pulled aside the curtain and looked at his friend for the first time.

He was pale, which didn't go with his naturally tan skin, but his chest was going up and down in a steady manner. He saw the bandages that went up to Dan's elbow and felt a surge of guilt. He should have paid more attention to his friend. Should have seen the signs. He took a seat next to Dan and softly rubbed a circle into the back of his hand.

"Come on Dan you gotta wake up." He pleaded softly voice breaking as the tears came.

Phil laid his head down and cried until the years wouldn't come anymore. A nurse stepped into view and he wiped his eyes. She was older maybe in her late forties, but she smiled at Phil warmly and he felt better. "Your friend needs lots of sleep, but he should be waking up soon." Phil could only nod. The nurse, whose tag read 'Gretta', handed Phil a plastic cup of water and a cookie.

She left and they were alone again. At some point Phil curled up into the chair besides Dan's bedside and fell asleep.

When Dan opened his eyes his first emotion was, where the fuck am I?!, then he blinked a couple of times and realized that he was in a hospital bed and there were needles in his arm. The last thing he noticed was the figure sitting by his bed.

Phil.

He felt a surge of guilt. He hadn't thought about Phil before he had drug the razor across his skin. Dan noticed how puffy his friend's eyes were and felt another wave of guilt. He wet his lips then pressed a little red button and a moment later Gretta was back. Wordlessly she helped his sit up and handed him a plastic cup of water. He drank it gratefully.

"Where am I?" he croaked out.

"The Queen's hospital." She answered promptly. "Your friend here-" She indicated Phil. "Called the paramedics and hasn't left your side since." Dan felt another wave of guilt.

Gretta sat on his bed side and raised her long pink sleeves under her pink scrubs and turned it so Dan could see her similar scars. "It gets better honey." She smiled and left. Dan leaned back suddenly exhausted. He promised himself that he would close his eyes for only a minute, before he knew the talk with Phil that was coming.

When he opened his eyes again Phil was in a corner of the room talking in hushed tones into his phone. His clothes were wrinkly proving he had ignored the nurse's order to go home and his hair stuck up all over the place. Dan struggled to sit up as he put pressure on his arms, but he let out a little moan of pain as his arms resisted. Phil's head snapped up at the sound and his wide blue eyes found Dan's own brown.

Dan could read everything. Although Phil always had been pretty readable. He could see the hurt, anger, guilt, and even some hope in his friend's eyes.

Phil muttered something and put his phone back in his pocket before he slowly walked back over to Dan. He sat down in the chair and the two stared at each other before Dan lowered his head and twisted his hands in his lap. He failed to see Phil's hand come out and smack his upside the head. He looked up and glared at Phil rubbing the now sore spot.

"The fuck-?!" he barely got out before Phil was hugging him tightly.

"If you **ever** do that to me again Daniel James Howell I'll put you on the first train back to your mother." He threated halfheartedly.

Dan paled at the thought of his mother put he slowly managed to hug Phil back. "I'm sorry." He said in a small voice. "I'm so so sorry Phil."

Phil pulled back and Dan could see the question his friend wanted to ask, but didn't know if he should.

"I've been depressed again." Dan blurted out. He took a deep breath. "I've been feeling depressed and I don't even know why. I know it was wrong to push you away, but I just couldn't stop myself." He lowered his gaze to his lap. "I was feeling just so caught up in our lives and my Danosaurs were worried that I had died and it got me thinking, 'who would care if I died?' and that lead me back to self-harming."

"Oh Dan." Phil breathed.

He pulled the younger into another hug. Happy that he had something hug again.

"Of course they'd be sad if you died. So would me, PJ, Chris, your parents, your little brother, Charlie, Alex, Tyler, Tryoe, and probably Cat." He said slyly glancing at Dan who was suddenly pink in the face.

Dan coughed and Phil smirked. "Shut up." Dan mumbled catching Phil's smirk.

Phil laughed for the first time since he came to the hospital. Dan smiled happy to see his friend happy again. They stayed silent for a while before Phil spoke up. "Just because you tried to kill yourself doesn't mean you're getting out of dinner duty when we get back home."

Dan sighed dramatically making Phil laugh. "Phiiiiiiil." He whined.

"Fine." Phil said exasperated at his friend's behavior.

"By the way I totally call shotgun on the way home."

"Shut up Dan."


End file.
